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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530792">you have made the impossible real</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrySouda/pseuds/strawberrySouda'>strawberrySouda</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Lowercase, M/M, Pining, Star Tears, pacing? who is she, there's like two lines of dialogue</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 07:02:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,560</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23530792</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/strawberrySouda/pseuds/strawberrySouda</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>he manages to convince himself it was just a trick of the light until the second time it happens, and then the third time when the tears start to burn, and then the fourth time when there's a small twinkling sound as they fall. after that, he tells himself he'll be fine if he just forgets about all these feelings and hopes someday he ends up believing it.</p>
<p>--<br/>inspired by a thread!</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>101</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you have made the impossible real</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/yamatsukkei/gifts">yamatsukkei</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>inspired by this thread right here, which vibe checked me last night: https://twitter.com/rchimedesu/status/1246209686682185730?s=20</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>the first time tsukishima kei hears the term "star tears," he's almost settled into his first year of high school and the blocker from nekoma with godawful hair who he's only just met mentions it in passing. kuroo doesn't go into much detail and either way, tsukishima probably wouldn't have paid it much mind; he has no time for silly made-up conditions. he looks the so-called disease up when he gets home that night, purely out of curiosity--nothing more than that, as he still doesn't think it's real. supposedly, shining golden tears will fall from your eyes intermittently if you fall in love and your feelings aren't returned until you go colorblind, which really does sound like a complete load of bullshit, tsukishima thinks, so he exits out of the page. if that was true, he'd have experienced it by now. being in love with your best friend does have its downsides.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he forgets about it for a considerable amount of time. long enough that he has to relearn about it, at the very least. this time, it is not looked up out of mere curiosity. tsukishima has just wiped golden tears away for the first time. </span>
  <em>
    <span>this is not happening,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he tells himself, because it isn't supposed to be a real thing that actually happens to unsuspecting teenagers like him who just want to pine after their best friends in peace. he reads through all of the first three pages of google search results, then clears his search history and tries to put it out of his mind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he manages to convince himself it was just a trick of the light until the second time it happens, and then the third time when the tears start to burn, and then the fourth time when there's a small twinkling sound as they fall. after that, he tells himself he'll be fine if he just forgets about all these feelings and hopes someday he ends up believing it.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>in tsukishima's eyes, yamaguchi has always been blindingly bright. that's just how he is, tsukishima supposes, and it is both his best and worst quality. he admires such a brightness, although he'd never adopt such a thing for himself, and he'd be wrong to not admit that he's tried to hide behind that light more than once--not because he's a coward but because it's so warm, pleasant in a way most things aren't, and because it's easy. the thing about brightness is that eyes are naturally drawn to it, and therein lies the problem. tsukishima cannot look away, nor can he forget his feelings, and star tears fall from his eyes every time he remembers.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>it starts to become difficult to hide as the frequency increases, and tsukishima has to decide that the only important thing is hiding it from yamaguchi lest he end up losing everything (including his sanity). he'd sooner open his heart to hinata of all people than let yamaguchi get even the slightest inkling that he might be suffering from star tears.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>yamaguchi knows most things about tsukishima. it's unfair, really, just how much they know about each other. almost everything is packed away beneath layers of trust and "if you tell anyone else i will </span>
  <em>
    <span>end you</span>
  </em>
  <span>," and tsukishima knows this secret would be no different. it would be packed away like all the rest, but that isn't why yamaguchi can't know, and yamaguchi being the one who makes tsukishima feel this way isn't the reason either. it's because tsukishima can't lie. he can't lie and tell yamaguchi it's not him if yamaguchi does ask--which he might not, or if he does he'll stop trying as soon as tsukishima says he'll never tell, but the rare possibility of yamaguchi persisting is not a possibility tsukishima is okay with facing.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>there is also the problem of yamaguchi finding out from someone else. in tsukishima's mind, there are two lists: those who would rat him out, and those who wouldn't. hinata is at the top of the former, followed by those of his ilk, and the sensible upperclassmen (as well as yachi) make up the latter. it makes the whole "ensure that yamaguchi never finds out" plan a whole lot more complicated, and tsukishima knows there's no way he can hide it from </span>
  <em>
    <span>everyone</span>
  </em>
  <span>, so it probably isn't game over if a few people know.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>the first person to know about it other than tsukishima himself is tanaka, thanks to some cruel god's viscious timing. tanaka was number two on the "would rat tsukishima out" list. it happens in the club room. everyone else has left and yamaguchi is waiting outside and tanaka won't </span>
  <em>
    <span>leave him alone</span>
  </em>
  <span>--and he can't keep it in as well anymore now that the tears burn worse on the inside than they do on the outside. it was manageable before, but the pain just isn't worth the trouble. he has his little breakdown, then makes tanaka swear to secrecy under penalty of certain death, which they both know is a lie but it still makes tsukishima feel better about what tanaka's found out.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>after that, tanaka becomes something of a strange ally. tsukishima doesn't know the full story, but he knows tanaka's sister is colorblind.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>a few more people find out--sugawara, yachi, and ennoshita, in that order--so tsukishima figures it's probably fine as long as yamaguchi is the last to find out. realistically, the end will at least come while they're still in high school, probably next year, and there will be a brief explosion and then it'll be over and they'll rebuild, hopefully. in an ideal world, yamaguchi won't know anything until long after they've both gone off to university. but this isn't an ideal world, and yamaguchi is the next to know.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>tsukishima, in his own defense, is ridiculously tired when it happens. it's been a long day and frankly he's not in the mood to deal with yamaguchi yelling at him about pride. it certainly doesn't help that he's also been trying to prevent a breakdown for the past hour. </span>
  <em>
    <span>really,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he thinks, </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck right off, god</span>
  </em>
  <span>. even in his most pessimistic version of reality, the end didn't come nearly this soon. after a while, and very begrudgingly, he stops fighting against the tears, and yamaguchi releases him immediately with a soft breath of his name--kei, not tsukki. it is simultaneously the best and worst thing he's heard in a long time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>thankfully, yamaguchi doesn't put the pieces together that it's him tsukishima has been in love with this whole time. tsukishima counts his blessings and decides he'll never think a rude thing about whatever god is up there ever again. he sees the vibrancy of the colors around him fade, and he tells himself it's because it's dark out. the next morning, hinata's hair looks duller.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>yamaguchi never asks who it is, only asks what they're like, and tsukishima gives him his honest opinion. it's so far from the way yamaguchi thinks of himself that tsukishima knows he isn't in any danger of being found out. he loves yamaguchi, deeply and genuinely, but he knows yamaguchi does not love himself and tsukishima does, after all, provide an outside view. it is less than objective, but it's still an outside view nonetheless.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>they don't really discuss it much after that. it crops up occasionally when tsukishima notices more gradual decreases in color the more star tears fall from his eyes, but it's only ever tsukishima's condition that gets talked about rather than the reason behind it. tsukishima's life gets easier, at least, now that he doesn't have to hide this small fact in front of yamaguchi. the elephant in the room is still there, but it's shrunken over time.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>eventually, tsukishima can't see much color at all anymore. he looks outside and the grass is gray. hinata's hair is just shy of gray, a weird reddish-brown that tsukishima knows isn't correct but he almost has a hard time remembering what hinata is supposed to look like. it's been a while. now, halfway through his second year, tsukishima thinks he might just say fuck it and confess if only for the possibility that he might not ever have to look at a monochrome world anymore. he'd rather get rejected than settle. so that's what he does, easily, like it's the most natural thing in the world. one day, he slips, "tadashi, i love you," into casual conversation and yamaguchi thinks he's kidding.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>he clarifies that it's not a joke. yamaguchi kind of freaks out, but not for the reason tsukishima thought he would.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>yamaguchi does not freak out because tsukishima is in love with him. he freaks out because he's the reason tsukishima only sees grays and dull browns, as if not being able to see color would be the most painful thing in the world. tsukishima would find it endearing if yamaguchi had either rejected or accepted his feelings already. he wants to think it's cute, but it's not an answer.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>the answer comes in a hug, short but sweet, with yamaguchi wrapping his arms around tsukishima's waist and resting his head on his shoulder and whispering, "i love you, too." tsukishima blinks and color floods back into the world with such force it almost makes his head hurt.</span>
</p>
<p> </p>
<p>
  <span>when tsukishima cries, his tears are clear.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>alyu i love u</p></blockquote></div></div>
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